Experts Weigh In On How To Lighten School Anxiety

Returning to school after summer break can be exciting for kids who’ve looked forward to starting a new grade and reconnecting with friends. But for many, a new school year brings uncertainty and anxiety. Questions like “Will the teacher like me?” or “What if I can’t handle Grade 11 math?” can make the first weeks feel overwhelming.

Parents aren’t immune to back-to-school stress, either. They may worry about their child’s social acceptance, whether teachers will be supportive, or whether mental health needs will be noticed and addressed. Some parents also find themselves doubting their own ability to guide their child through whatever lies ahead.

“Children are more resilient than we give them credit for — and parents, you are doing more than enough just by showing up and staying connected,” says Stefanie Peachey of Peachey Counselling and Family Support. “There will be hard days, but also joyful ones.”

HOW MUCH INVOLVEMENT IS OKAY?

If a child is anxious, should parents step in at every turn, or encourage independence? “Young children benefit from hands-on support, while teens need space to build autonomy,” Peachey says. “Overinvolvement — micromanaging friendships, hovering over homework, or intervening too quickly — can unintentionally signal that a child isn’t capable of handling things on their own.”

Cory Bentley, Registered Psychotherapist at Canoe Therapy, sees many parents swinging between extremes. Some, she says, over- identify with the child’s anxiety and try to talk about it too much. “Other parents take the ‘old school’ approach and expect kids to ‘just get on with it.’ Neither is helpful.”

The middle ground is where parents tune in to their child’s emotions while showing confidence in their ability to handle stress.

Parents should also resist getting overly involved in school operations. “Build a respectful relationship with teachers,” Peachey advises. “Communicate proactively. Attend meetings to stay informed — not to control. And if issues come up, request a meeting instead of firing off an emotional email.”

PEACE OF MIND STARTS AT HOME

Strong parent-child connections help buffer stress. “Connection builds over time and in small moments — meaningful conversations, touch, play, and shared activity,” says Julia Verbitsky, Therapist and Family Mediator at Live Well Counselling. Modelling healthy habits like sleep, nutrition, movement, and emotional regulation also goes a long way.

Peachey recommends calming routines — consistent bedtimes, quiet reading, or mindfulness — and reconnecting emotionally at the end of the day to help kids process their day.

SCHOOL SHOULD BE FUN

Bentley encourages parents to prioritize attitude over achievement. In other words, avoid overemphasizing grades, especially in elementary school. “The number one goal from JK through to early high school is for kids to like school,” she says.

Kids who enjoy school are more likely to stay engaged. When school stops being fun, motivation tends to disappear.

And remember, School is about much more than academics. “Kids are learning how to be a good friend, how to deal with ‘mean teachers’ (preparation for tough bosses later), how to play team sports, speak in front of a group — in short, how to function in the world,” Bentley says. “Grades are secondary to all of these incredibly important life skills.”

CONSIDER REACHING OUT

Parents, you are not alone. If a child becomes withdrawn, displays prolonged low mood, struggles with schoolwork, or engages in self-harming behaviour, mental health professionals can offer tools and guidance for both the child and family.

There’s no perfect formula, and that’s okay. “By offering compassion, staying curious, and being flexible about what your child needs, families can experience less stress and more joy,” Verbitsky says.

Peachey agrees: “The goal isn’t perfection — it’s progress. Trust your instincts, be kind to yourselves, and take each day one step at a time. A fresh start is a powerful thing.”

Tips For A Calmer Back To School:

Keep your own story separate. Try not to project your own school experiences onto your child. Your past may influence your emotional reactions — but your child’s journey is their own.
Know the signs of stress. Watch for irritability, clinginess, withdrawal, sleep changes, or frequent headaches or stomach aches with no medical cause.
Talk without pressure. Instead of asking “How was school?”, try open-ended or specific prompts like, “What was something funny or surprising today?” Keep it casual. Short chats during meals, walks, or car rides often work best.
Normalize nervousness. It’s okay for kids to feel unsure. Say things like, “It’s normal to be a bit nervous. Lots of kids feel this way at the start of the year.”
Model healthy coping. Let your child see how you handle stress — whether it’s through a walk, deep breathing, or saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, so I’m going to take a short break.” These moments teach more than lectures ever could.